We took another trip away, this time to Wenderholm. The weather was iffy on the Saturday but the next day was brilliant! It's always a pleasure for Grant and I to meet up with old friends and chat the day away.I've been feeling anxious. I've worked really hard in life at not leaving myself open to being vulnerable so this is scary for me. I met with a support worker who explained that the anxiety I'm experiencing is a "normal response to a horribly abnormal situation". I think that once I'm in hospital the angst will go and a peaceful resignation will set in as I put my trust, implicitly, in the staff knowing that they will do their utmost to get me through this. Well I'm really hoping I'll feel this way and soon, please soon.
Neri has been especially loving and keeps telling me how much she'll miss having me at home when I'm in hospital. She says she will long for the hugs and kisses, sitting on my lap and the extended chats about her life. On reading a blog written by a BMT survivor I found that the unit has an age 10 cut-off date for visiting children. I discussed with my specialist about being told that Neri, who is 10, will not be able to see me in the Isolation Unit. I assured him that she will follow all of the rules and be very well-behaved. He said that he has met her and that "she is, really, a young woman". He promised that she will be allowed to visit, but that there will be some days when I won't want her there. That sits better; knowing I have a choice.
Now that the busy work is done a sense of calm is coming over me. I'm including meditation in my day, twice daily, and it is keeping me grounded. It's slowing down my mind, giving me spaces to breathe fully and enjoy the wonders that the world has to offer.
